The egg-holiday is over and it sure feels like it too. Holiday was good; friends, drinks, good food, love and bowling, good times all and all. So good that its been actually painfull to get back to weekdays.
Yesterday I thought I´d need to get back to blogging after the holiday, but I couldn't bring myself to it. I hated beeing back in Kuopio where all things related to my illness fell on me hard after few days away. I had to go to hospital for some tests, I had to see my therapist and call my GP about my medication. I should have tried to call my dentist to book a new appointment, since the last one was cancelled due my bad medication. After that I should have called the doctors at KUH (Kuopio university hospital) to book an appointment to some medical treatment that can't be done before my teeth are fixed. On top of all that I had received three or four letters from KELA; one was an announcement that I had been admitted some benefits, another announced that some of my benefits were cancelled 'cause I was admitted another and I suppose the third would have been a report request of all things related to the before mentioned benefits. I don't know, I get these letters weekly and I'm too tired to follow them anymore. For months it´s been like this every week and I swear this illness and all this that is related to it is like running my own business. I've gotten so tired of this all and often wish it would all just disappear if I didn't do anything.
I've been writing this blog for about a month now and sometimes I have had to really try and make myself
think positive. It's not very easy always and the circumstances aren't actually helping. But now I'm wondering why should I even try being happy when I'm not??
-Tiina
Ei kukaan ole koko ajan iloinen. Rohkeutta on se, että antaa luvan kaikille tunteille, ei pelkästään helpoille ja mukaville. Positiivisuutta taas on se, että näiden paskimpien tunteidenkin jälkeen näkee myös sitä kaikkea ihanaa, mitä tällä maailmalla on tarjota. Ja muista, tunne on vaan tunne, se on subjektiivinen reaktio johonkin tilanteeseen, ei absoluuttinen totuus siitä tilanteesta. Ja ihan varmasti perusnegatiivisillakin ihmisillä on välillä jotain pieniä onnenhetkiä, joten saa positiivisillakin ihmisillä välillä vituttaa, surettaa ja harmittaa!
ReplyDeleteNiinpä. Onneksi jos ei koko ajan voikaan olla iloinen, niin ei myöskään näköjään voi olla koko ajan murheellinen. Melkein viikon ehin täällä murjottaa kunnes eilen lähdin kaverin kans uimaan. Murheet kyllä unohtui kun lastenaltaassa opettelin uimaan sammakkoa =)
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